Beyond Balance

Our Faith and Work Ministry just held a big event on work/life balance (I cringe at the idea of “work/life balance” because it implies that work is not part of life, but it’s a phrase with which people resonate. My sinister plan was to get people in the door and then hopefully debunk the divide).

There was so much good stuff that I wanted to share some key take-aways with my online community.

Our lives are full of good and honorable activities. From cheering at your kid’s soccer game, to running  the meeting at the office, to going for a jog, to volunteering down at the rescue mission, to attending a church community group, to dining out with friends, it’s easy to fill our calendars to the brim. I’m always wishing I had the physical capacity to match the endless possibilities in front of me. But alas, there is only so much time in a day. So how do we manage all of the competing demands? Again, all good and honorable.

Know Your Purpose. What is the main, overarching theme of your life? Go up to that 30,000-foot view and consider your life as a whole – don’t have a separate work mission and life mission as they will always compete. Instead, think big picture. Your purpose should unify all aspects of your life. The issue with time management is often rooted in misaligned priorities.  Once you get your purpose straight, priorities will begin to align. 

A side note on this, people often ask me how to know their purpose. To derive a sense of purpose that drives my decisions, I took time to think about my life over a period of time – and then it just hit me like a ton of bricks when I wasn’t even thinking about anything in particular (honestly, I was in the shower!). I had gone to many seminars, including an exclusive, all-day workshop with the author of The Path, Laurie Beth Jones. All of the worksheets and word tricks fell flat. I encourage you to start by considering the needs in the world that touch your heart, the activities that bring you great joy, and the special gifts and talents that God placed in you. But there is really no magic formula.  If you ask God for answers and seek to follow him, you will begin a journey of uncovering answers that may take an entire lifetime to refine. Don’t worry about landing on some perfect mission statement – just start somewhere and go from there.

Challenge Traditions. We can’t do the same things over and over again and expect a different result. Take some risks. Allow for failure.  What are the patterns in your life that are so ingrained that you don’t feel like you can do it any other way? Even something as simple as sitting at a different end of the boardroom table can help us begin to change our perspective. So go and get out of your comfort zone, and start developing new ways of thinking and doing. You might just find a more effective way to approach all the demands on your life.

Find Others Who Support Your Passion. By building a network of support, you have structure and accountability. Otherwise, it’s easy to flounder – flittering from one activity to the next without much thought. I have found that meeting people at highcallingblogs.com has really given me the structure I need to keep blogging. I would not have kept going had I not found this community, especially people like Bradley and Sam who have provided words of encouragement along the way.

Recognize That We Are Biological Beings. We need sleep and food. Go back to good ole’ Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. At our most basic level, we must meet our physiological needs. It’s so easy to let go of sleep, exercise, and healthy food when we start getting busy. This is the worst thing we can do. We have to be honest about our limitations and be ok with the cracks.

Say No at Least Twice as Much as You Say Yes. I love this one! When people start to hear about your awesome-ness, you are going to get more and more requests. Can you join our board of directors? Can you coach the soccer team? Can you speak at our event? Can you lead a Bible study? Again, all good and honorable. But if you can make it a habit to say no whenever something does not align with your strategy for living your purpose, you will be a lot less resentful of everything that sucks you dry. This doesn’t mean that you don’t help a friend in need or serve in some capacity that doesn’t bring you deep joy. But watch out that you don’t get pulled so far down a path in life that you can’t understand how you got there. Be intentional.

Recognize Your Season in Life. It’s a myth to think that we can achieve some sort of perfect balance. When you slice your life up like a pie (emotional, spiritual, intellectual, physical, family, relationships, vocation, etc.), the pieces are not going to be equal. If you are a single mom who works full time and goes to grad school in order to pursue a dream like my friend Leslie, you can’t possibly be pouring yourself into friends as much as you’d like. If you are single like me, maybe the occupation piece of the pie is gigantic. We all have seasons in our lives.  

The challenge is to recognize when a temporary season becomes a permanent lifestyle. If you are going full throttle in some areas of your life while other areas whither for too long, you might want to reassess priorities. Or maybe you are completely at peace spending more energy in one area over another. That’s great. Don’t let people bully you into thinking there is something wrong with you. The key is to recognize that you are making a choice and to take responsibility for your decisions.   

Focus On What is in Your Control. Most things in our lives we can predict and control. I know that if I stay up late watching TV, I will be exhausted in the morning.  The problem is that we spend a disproportionate amount of time fretting about the things we can’t predict or control. For example, I can’t control other people’s actions, but I can control my response to their actions. I can control the level of interaction I have with a difficult person. I can control my emotional response and develop boundaries. What I can’t control is the other person. It’s easy to pour ourselves into trying to fix things we can’t fix. It’s a heck of a lot more effective to focus on things within our control and to rely on God in all things in and out of our control.

Keep Your Tank Full. Every summer, my girlfriends from college get together for girls’ weekend. I can go for weeks with the energy I gain from spending time with the people who know me best. Know the activities that give you energy and the ones that drain you, and make sure you keep filling your tank before all of your reserves are depleted. Do you need solitude? Are you energized by reading a good book or having a stimulating conversation with friends? It seems like the only solution sometimes is to run on empty. We can’t live this way forever. Remember, we are at our core biological beings.

Be Realistic. One statement during the event really stood out to me: “We tend to overestimate what we can do in a day and underestimate what we can do in a year.”  That was a convicting observation. I overload each of my days, but to what end? When I look back on a year, what did I really accomplish? It’s comes back to being strategic about our tactics – not having tactics for the sake of having tactics.

As for creating more margin in my life, I ultimately want to fall back on the words of Jesus in Matthew 11: “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” Ah, there is comfort in those words.

More Resources:

If you are in San Diego, consider joining our upcoming small group on this topic. We will be going through the workbook “Restoring Margin to Overloaded Lives.” The 6-week study begins March 2 at 7 p.m. in Kensington. I personally can’t wait! R.S.V.P. online.

Also, speaker Joon Han has generously provided additional lessons that go beyond what we learned in the seminar. Visit  www.magicbizbox.com/fw.

Watch the video of the event for the full experience. Go to:

John Wheeler, Executive Consultant to CEO’s and business owners and San Diego Convene Chair, John’s extensive experience includes organizational and key leader development.

http://www.vimeo.com/9411869

Caye Barton Smith, Psy.D., Vice President for Student Development, Point Loma Nazarene University. Caye has an impressive background leading health and wellness initiatives as well as personal insights as a busy working mom.

http://www.vimeo.com/9410453

Joon Han, Founder Better San Diego, Joon has been challenging and inspiring groups for over 20 years seeing leaders grow from very busy to very effective.

http://www.vimeo.com/9411410

Q&A

http://www.vimeo.com/9388140