Thumb sucking and public speaking

I sucked my thumb until third grade. And no, not just in private like some lucky kids. I was shy as a little girl. And I’ve been relatively shy ever since. But get me up in front of a crowd talking about something that excites me, and you would never imagine that there is a shy little girl inside.

Even as a kid, I would get up in church to read the Christmas story or lead the liturgy, and the little old people would come up to me afterwards and tell me how much they appreciated how nice and clear I had spoken (I’m sure it helps that I inherited grandpa’s loud voice). Even today, anytime I have to do an announcement or give a presentation, people almost always come up and tell me something that makes me think I’m a pretty darn good speaker. This blog post is actually inspired by the encouragement I received after a talk I gave last Sunday to an Entrepreneuring for Christ Sunday school class at Skyline Church. It’s so affirming that our strengths can often be seen early on in life and that God brings people into our lives to help name them.

Unexpected gifts are so cool. God knit us together so creatively in the womb (Psalm 139). When there is an anomaly in how the world would expect us to turn out, I think it’s an extra special reminder that we are God’s creation and that the gifts are from Him alone. I love that my friends who know me well point out how odd it is that a crowd avoider like me loves to be in front of a crowd.

The gifts are from God, and so are the desires to use these gifts for a purpose.

My own life is evidence that the core of who we are and who we are meant to be will keep tugging at us even though we may take a strange path to get to where we are going. Every time I do one of those exercises that asks what I would be if money were no object, I inevitably land on motivational speaker. Years ago, I even went as far as to do an informational interview with a successful motivational speaker; I lost momentum when she told me I really need to write a book. And I lose momentum every time I think about how much energy it would take this introvert to actually be a speaker. And then there’s the fact that I don’t see a logical path to actually becoming a legitimate speaker.

But deep down I feel a sense of responsibility to be the person God created me to be. I want to be faithful with the gifts He has bestowed. God gives us the desires of our hearts – desires to serve the world with the best of who we are. We know from the parable of the talents that we are to do the most with what we have been given.

How on Earth I will end up living out my love for public speaking is a bit of a mystery. It will be interesting to see how God directs my path. I’m sure it will be an adventure. I know that God wants to use me for His glory, and so I will put my faith in His grace and power - and I will do my part to put myself out there and follow my heart.

Oliver Wendall Holmes is often quoted as saying, “The biggest tragedy in America is not the great waste of natural resources, though this is tragic. The greatest tragedy is the waste of human resources. The average person goes to his grave with the music still in him.”

What dream do you have in your heart that just will not go away? What music still needs to be shared with the world?

 

Side note: I hope no one reading this post ever sees me speak and thinks, “Really, she thinks she’s a good speaker.”

Side note number 2: Since I suspect a handful of parents will find this post googling strategies to get their kids to stop sucking their thumbs, I’ll tell you my secret. It was Mrs. Neeley, my third grade teacher, who made a deal with me that if I would stop sucking my thumb, she would stop biting her nails. I think she finally succumbed to acrylic.

I hate my dream job

It’s easy to get sucked down a career path without thinking intentionally about what is happening to you. It’s especially difficult if you have dreamed most of your life about a particular job and even gone to school for years to accomplish specific goals.

What do you do when you find yourself stuck, disillusioned, and even a bit depressed about a long line of life choices?

Let me introduce you to my dear friend, Charise. Picture the most driven person in your circle of friends – the one who chose the chemistry lab over the beach in college. The one who knew without a doubt what God had called her to do and be. The one who did her med school residency at Harvard. The one everyone admired for having her life together.

Charise knew early on that she was meant to be a doctor, and she never looked back. The problem was that not long after she earned the title of MD, she was stricken by the fact that she could not in good conscience be a part of the traditional medical system.   

This summer, at an annual girls weekend with my close friends from college, Charise found herself in tears. She was at a crossroads. There was no joy working in a bureaucratic medical system that did not consider the whole person. There were quality of life issues more than ever before now that she had a baby girl. Her personal values were being challenged on several fronts. And then there was the med school debt, so she couldn’t just quit!

She was at a loss for what to do next. She was angry at herself for landing in this place, angry at God for leading her there. How could this happen when she sought her entire life to do everything right?  

Over the next months, I learned a lot from watching Charise go from despair to hope. I want to share some lessons that I think will help anyone feeling stuck in a job that they worked so hard to achieve only to realize they are not where they are supposed to be.

Let your values guide you. Over and over, Charise said that she was just not willing to compromise. Sure, she could get a job in a hospital or clinic and just do her job. It’s not like she was doing anything illegal. In fact, many would call it laudable. But her integrity was a priority. Her values of holistic health and genuine relationships with patients guided her so strongly that she could not shake it.

Another critical value related to her family life. Charise is a mother, and she was not willing to work 60-hour weeks and never see her daughter or husband. This was non-negotiable.

It’s easy to lose sight of our values in the marketplace. We see the values within our environment, and we become like a fish that does not know it’s swimming in water. What’s normal is normal, right?  It’s so critical to know what you stand for so that when you are faced with a decision, you know what you know to be right.

Pay attention to your strengths. During our weekend together, the girls all took the StrengthsFinder assessment that I’m always hustling. Charise went away with renewed energy that weekend after she was finally able to put a name to what she knew of herself all along. She had discovered the strength of “connectedness.” Read more about this incredible strength here. 

As knowledge about this strength sunk in, I could see the synapses firing in Charise’s brain. This is why food, health and faith are so integrated with each other in her mind. This is why she cares deeply about how her actions affect a stranger on the other side of the world.

Knowing her strengths made it possible for Charise to reframe her own role in her profession. And she was able to pinpoint what she needed out of her work environment.

 You don’t have to jump ship completely. So at this point you may think that Charise just needs to find a new job. The thing is that in most professions there is lots of wiggle room if we are creative. Several years ago, Charise discovered a niche called “functional medicine.” It’s not something you learn about in med school, so Charise has been taking extra classes for a while learning a lot about food and nutrition as it relates to major chronic health issues. The problem is that it’s tough to incorporate this knowledge into the mainstream profession.

Finding a framework for medicine that is in line with Charise’s values and strengths gave her renewed energy and optimism. Finding a viable way to practice it was still a challenge.   

Have hope. I admire Charise so much for how she connects her faith and her work even though she may not even realize she’s doing it. She has been so prayerful about what to do next. She has wrestled with God. She has laid her brokenness at the foot of the cross in her despair. She has yearned for God’s desire for her life and His desire for all of humanity.

There is a gap between our current experience on Earth and what we will experience when Jesus returns. In the meantime, God is bringing Heaven to Earth through people like Charise – people who see the possibility for restoration and redemption within broken systems. Charise has not let go of what “could be”  to settle for what is the current reality. It is through the power of the Gospel that we can have hope, and Charise has not forgotten this.

Be open to the possibilities. Charise and her husband, Josh, believed they had settled in for the long haul when they bought the house in the neighborhood where they were born and raised – the neighborhood where family and friends still live. They figured all of the traveling adventures were done for a long time as they settled into their church and community.

As hard as it was, they realized that they would have to be open to change. They struggled with what it would mean to leave the loving grandparents of their daughter and the church they absolutely loved, but they knew that they had to be open to what God might have in store for them.

They clung to the knowledge that, “All things work together for the good of those that love the Lord and are called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28).

How does the story end?

Well, the story ends at the beginning of a new adventure. In the next few weeks, Charise and Josh (who happens to have the strength of Adaptablility!) will be packing up and moving from California to Massachusetts, where Charise will be working for a medical practice that is in line with her values and strengths. While it’s really hard to leave family and friends, and it’s scary for lots of reasons to pack up and move across country, they feel peace for the first time in a long time.

Are Strengths Irrelevant in the Current Job Market?

I’m currently leading a class on strengths. We use the StrengthsFinder 2.0 assessment and materials developed by Marcus Buckingham and Gallup organization. The premise of the materials is that society focuses so much on improving our weaknesses that we miss opportunities to achieve real satisfaction in our work. By trying to improve our weaknesses, we can possibly reach adequacy. But if we can capitalize on our strengths, we can actually perform tasks with near perfection – we can learn to work with excellence. We can really work the way God created us to work.

To give you an example, my strengths are:

1. Maximizer – I like to take things that are good and make them superb (small increments of improvement don’t interest me). 
2. Achiever – I have a great deal of stamina to work hard. I’m only satisfied with high levels of productivity. 
3. Learner – I have a great desire to learn. It’s the process of learning, not just the outcomes, that really excites me. 
4. Focus – I have an ability to stay on track with goals and direction. 
5. Input – I have a craving to know more. I collect things like books and information.

Past classes have been really transformational. Participants have identified new directions for their current work or even discovered completely new careers they want to pursue.

The interesting challenge to leading this current class is that most of the participants are unemployed. And the reality is that they may not have the luxury of finding that perfect job in the current economic climate. I’ve read some advice that people who are unemployed have an amazing opportunity to go for their dreams. This is great advice. But it must be tempered with the reality of needing to pay the rent or support a family.

So I’ve been asking myself… what the heck are the benefits of knowing our strengths in the current job market? Is this ‘strengths’ philosophy any good for someone who just plain needs a job?

I’m thinking the answer is yes and here’s why:

1. Knowing my strengths can actually shape my job search process. Given my personal strengths, for example, I could set weekly goals for myself and track my success by how much I achieve that week. I might study various industries to identify what types of jobs interest me. There is so much advice out there on how to land a job, but it might not take advantage of your personal strengths. Not everyone is wired the same, and not everyone will have success finding a job the same way. 

2. Knowing my strengths will help me in the interview process. In my experience, talking about myself in a job interview in ways I thought the interviewer wanted to hear has left me without the job offer. It was only when I learned to articulate my strengths that prospective employers could picture me in the job and get excited about my potential. I’m confident that knowing what you do well and being able to articulate it will catapult you to the top of the pile. The level of specificity in which you can talk and your confidence will be attractive. 

3. I can shape my resume toward my strengths. There are lots of things on my resume that I know how to do, but are they things I loved doing when I was doing them? Why not completely overhaul your resume and articulate all of the things that you have done in the past in terms of your strengths. Consider taking out completely some of the things you dreaded doing. For example, I probably would not highlight roles in the past that required me to have small talk with people I had never met before. Instead, I might focus my job descriptions around my love for managing people, my attention to details in project management, and my ability to bring structure to a creative process. Why not lean toward areas of strength? I imagine this would land me a job that is a better fit. 

4. Knowing my strengths allows me to think creatively about alternatives. Instead of looking for work in the exact field of work I have always been in, knowing my strengths allows me to think about what I can do in different fields. Strengths are transferable across types of work. Skills and knowledge don’t transfer quite as easily, but my core strengths can be applied to lots of settings. I can ask myself, what kinds of work require my set of strengths? Reframing the question this way may open up a lot of possibilities.

5. I can volunteer. When we are using our strengths, we are energized. Find areas in your life outside of your work where your strengths can be used. Being reenergized in other areas can offset the drain you may be feeling in your work life. It can also help you hone your strengths and identify the types of activities you really love doing. 

6. I can try to use my strengths in any job. You might be thinking that your current job is just temporary until you can find something you really love. Why wait? Are there ways you can look at your current role and find tasks that might be approached in a different way? Are there activities at work for which you can volunteer that might lead you to more exciting responsibilities down the road? I have seen this happen. A former coworker of mine had a job mailing college admissions letters and tracking applications. We were in a meeting one day about how to communicate better with students and someone said, “I wish there was a more creative way to use technology to communicate.” My colleague spoke up and said that she had a degree in multimedia and could create interesting messages using Flash. We gave her a few assignments, and eventually her role was completely restructured in the communication department. And you can’t tell me that this type of thing would never happen at your job because this example happened within an extremely structured, union environment. Anything is possible if you can be intentional about your current work.

You Can Do Anything!

I am struck by a recent Facebook post by a friend of mine. She asked, “Do you think I would be good at selling Aflac?” Her friends proceeded to make comments back like “You can do anything you can put your heart and mind to” and “You’ve done well at much more difficult tasks.”

No offense to my friend who might be wonderful at selling insurance, but this framework so insidious in our culture frustrates me to no end.  Does this mean that even though I don’t have an athletic bone in my body, if I put my heart to it, I could compete successfully on a master’s swim team. Even though I’m horrible with numbers, would I move up quickly on the accountant ladder… if  I tried real hard?

We are told from a very early age that we can achieve anything with hard work and determination. What we should be asking ourselves is:

1. What am I passionate about?
2. What people group do I feel drawn to serve?
3. What issues keep me up late at night talking?
4. What tasks come so easily to me that I lose track of time when doing them?
5. What are my natural talents, knowledge and skills?
6. Is there a need in the world that only I can meet?

Psalm 139 is one of my favorite Bible verses.

¹ O LORD, you have searched me
       and you know me.
 ² You know when I sit and when I rise;
       you perceive my thoughts from afar.
 ³ You discern my going out and my lying down;
       you are familiar with all my ways.
 ⁴ Before a word is on my tongue
       you know it completely, O LORD.
 ⁵ You hem me in—behind and before;
       you have laid your hand upon me.
 ⁶ Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
       too lofty for me to attain.
 ¹³ For you created my inmost being;
       you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
 ¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
       your works are wonderful,
       I know that full well.
 ¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you
       when I was made in the secret place.
       When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
 ¹⁶ your eyes saw my unformed body.
       All the days ordained for me
       were written in your book
       before one of them came to be.
 ¹⁷ How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
       How vast is the sum of them!
 ¹⁸ Were I to count them,
       they would outnumber the grains of sand.
       When I awake,
       I am still with you.

It’s so amazing to me that God formed me in the womb; he knit me together with a unique personality, a propensity for certain skills and abilities, and special gifts and talents.  I was skillfully wrought. His works are truly marvelous.

So when my friend asks if she would be a good insurance salesperson, I have so many more questions for her.